Using all Six Senses to Be More Romantic
"Knowing what your partner wants and needs is your sixth sense or intuition at work." - Heidi Richards
Call it intuition. Call it ESP. We all have it and can use it to create a lasting romantic relationship. When our sixth sense is in full gear, it's like one of those timeless moments between two people when nothing else in the world matters and no one else exists. I'm not talking sex, here. I am talking when two people connect on a level beyond the physical. Let me explain. I was married for 16 years to a good man; he was a good father and a good provider. In fact, we seldom had any conflict in our lives. For some women that might be enough. And yet something was missing from our relationship. He just didn't "get" me. Even after 16+ years of marriage, he didn't really know what I liked or what made me tick. It was inevitable that we would not stay together forever.
Then I met a man whom I have been with for nearly 14 years. It was like he knew instinctively what I liked without me even telling him. Rarely does a day goes by when one of us doesn't call each other and talk about something the other was actually thinking or go to the store and buy dinner (just what the other was craving without verbalizing that craving). We tease one another about how keen our sixth sense is at certain times. I find it very romantic. I call it a connection to something more and greater than the physical senses are able to distinguish.
And how about the other five senses? How do we know just which senses we should focus on? If they work to create the kind of romance your partner appreciates, then I believe you have what it takes to increase the power of your sixth sense, far beyond touch, taste, sight, smell and sound. Here are some tips for using all six senses to be more romantic (excerpted from the book Romance on a Budget – www.romanceonabudget.net):
Sight
Look into my Eyes (#11) – When you gaze into each others eyes, everyone else seems to disappear. And looking intensely at one another can send a message to your partner that can lead to better things.
Sound
Listen … (#37) – Do you want to know a secret? Being a good listener is an art. Some people are natural good listeners, others need practice. When you truly listen to one another it demonstrates that you care about what they are saying. It's most important communication skill in a successful long-term relationship. If you really want to know your partner's likes and dislikes, wants and desires, perfect the art of listening.
Taste
Hungry for love (#120) – Visit a local fruit or vegetable grove together and pick your own. Take your goodies home and cook up something wonderful, then feed it to each other. MMMMMM… Good!
Smell
The scent of you (#46) Spray your perfume or cologne on the phone most often used by your partner. Or all the phones in the house. This will surely kick the romance meter up a few notches. It's especially effective if you are going out of town.
Touch
Touch me in the morning (#115) – … in the afternoon, in the evening. Give your partner a massage. Buy some fragrant massage oils and watch the tension turn to pleasure. Take turns.
Intuition
A Hard Day's Night (#30) – After a hard day's work, surprise your partner by having a steaming hot bath ready and waiting. Light the bathroom with candles and yummy scents. After bathing and drying your partner off, show him/ her to your candle lit boudoir, where the bed is ready and waiting with satin sheets and rose petals and soft music is playing. This is where you will proceed to rub his/her body down with scented body massage oil. After working up an appetite, have a romantic dinner ready, waiting to be served.

Developing and using all six senses in romance can create a connection that goes deeper – to our souls. Knowing what your partner wants and needs is your sixth sense or intuition at work. When you develop your sixth sense in romance you will instinctively know which of the other five to use when and in which combination to use them.


Keeping Love Alive
I believe that finding, sustaining, growing, and enjoying satisfying relationships is one of greatest joys and challenges we have as human beings. We have generally been blessed with a tremendous desire to love and be loved; to listen and be listened to; to take care of and accept care from others. And yet meaningful, sustainable relationships often elude us – especially as it applies to the opposite sex.
Here are some things I've learned in my walk through life - as a divorced single mom, widower, and over 50 remarried - about finding and sustaining a "soul-mate" relationship:
1. Know who you are and what you want. You'll never get what you want if you don't know what it is. As women look for love, we often take what comes our way rather than seeking what and who we want. Knowing the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with comes from knowing who you are – your values, interests, what you can/will tolerate, what you won't.
2. Learn how to disagree, speak your mind, and/or confront.
Avoiding conflict is death for a marriage. It may seem like you're on the right path by never, ever arguing or disagreeing but avoiding conflict requires repression of anger, which leads to depression of feelings. Passion is extinguished in this environment. Learn to fight fair and keep the slate clear. (see article on What Are You Afraid Of?)
3. Speaking of passion – keep the fire lit! I think women often underestimate the critical role sexuality and having a really good sex life plays in a successful marriage. Men, you know what I'm talking about! Create romantic opportunities, ask for what you want, talk, talk, talk – do what you as a couple need to do to keep this aspect of your relationship alive and well.
4. Don't allow children and child-raising to take precedence over your marital relationship. A great marriage is the best gift you can give your children. Get away from the kids on a regular basis. Find a good sitter! Arrange for an overnight with just the two of you at least once a year. Talk about matters other than the kids, the bills, the family. Someday it will just be the two of you again. Be sure you still know each other.
5. Take responsibility for your actions and affirm each other. Say, "I'm sorry" when you make a mistake or hurt your partner. Say, "Thank you" when they do something for you. Appreciate what your husband does! Don't take "expected" action for granted. Recognition and affirmation are two of the best gifts you can give each other. Spend them freely.
6. Don't take on the persona of, "I shouldn't have to ask – he should know." This is one of the greatest mistakes women make in a relationship. I hear women say things like, "But if I have to ask for it, the real meaning/pleasure/gesture is lost." Get over it! Men can't read our minds. They're not always tuned in or on the same wave length. Maybe they just don't know. Be a big girl and ask for what you want! (I'm pretty tough on this issue)
7. Get help if you need it. Don't put your head under a bushel. If your relationship is in trouble (no matter whose "fault" either one of you thinks it is), seek out ways to make it better. Find a relationship coach, a therapist, a marriage counselor, a book – I highly recommend John Gray's Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus In the Bedroom (it's on tape so you can listen to it together), Don't give up – keep searching and talking and striving until things get better. The answer rarely lies in changing partners.
Coaching tip
Review what you have, what you want, the hidden or apparent treasure of love. If you have a soul mate, never, never take this relationship for granted. It is rare indeed!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The average man is more interested in a woman who is
interested in him than a woman with beautiful legs.
Marlene Dietrich, actress


Overcoming the Fears of Divorce
The new fears surfacing during and as a result of your divorce process become a heavy wave of fear and add much more despair to an already overloaded period in your life.
Fear is a major factor in the stress and moving on from your divorce.
Fear of the unknown.
Probably more "unknowns" hanging over your head, than any other time in your life.
What catastrophe happens to me next?
You will need to learn how to handle these fears that seem to come along with the divorce process..
If you do not learn how to confront and control these fears of divorce, you risk losing your emotional and physical health and the joy of living.
Fear has been with you forever, and has all along the way touched every aspect of your life.
Here are some examples of fears to help jog your memory...failure, the future, financial insecurity, rejection, injury, success, height, water, fire, flying, germs, relationships or lack of, death, sex, or lack of, war, losing something, not getting something, getting caught for wrongdoings, crowds, public speaking, relapsing, being wrong, the opposite sex, the same sex, the unknown, health problems, any phobias , etc.
This heightened state of fear during the divorce process, may derive from a self-centered fear that as a result of our divorce that we will lose something that we already have or not ever again be able to get something that we want or need.
Get these fears out in the open by submitting them to paper and take a good look at them.
Write down each fear that you have experienced as a result of and a part of the divorce process experience.
Doing this exercise on paper is an important part of the step to move on that we are explaining here.
To cheat and not do the "on paper" exercise is to cheat no one but yourself and your moving on to a new life.
Use descriptive words to cover both the feelings and beliefs underlying your newly acquired divorce fears.
You will then be able to talk more honestly and openly about your fears with someone who cares, whether it is a professional or a friend.
Your divorce induced fears are one of the parts of your divorce that need to be and can be talked out.
Writing it down and seeing them in black and white will help you focus your thoughts as you face your fears.
Once you have your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs all written out in front of you, this will allow you to be more objective with what is going on with your fears.
These fears restricting us from doing what should be done, or causing us to do what should be avoided, can set in motion chains of circumstances which can add significantly to divorce woes.
These predictable fears can add additional misfortunes that we do not need or deserve.
Is it possible that you have developed some of these new fears because you have relied on yourself and you now see yourself as having failed ?
Is this apparent lack of power and feeling your life has gotten out of control, affect your circumstances and your present dilemma?
In the divorce process, particularly if in a legal adversarial battle with two attorneys. life seems much of the time to have almost completely gotten out of your control.
Fear of all the bad outcome possibilities and then not knowing what will happen next is bad enough.
It is devastating to discover that it now appears, no matter what you do or how much effort you expend, you will have no control whatsoever of the out come.
Financial insecurity, is perhaps the biggest fear and stress of divorce. Perhaps the money was not enough to go around when you were both supporting one household.
Now, with divorce, that same income is now going to have to be stretched to support two households.
Certainly someone's standard of living is going to have to be drastically lowered and likely both.
How bad is it going to be, how can you survive?
Are you going to lose your home?
Fear piles in of what all you might lose.
Next most common fear is rejection, I was rejected by my spouse who knew me better then anyone in the world.
Result, now my fear is that no one will ever love me again..........
Afraid of never getting involved in a relationship again, or lack of ever having sex again, fear of not ever finding companionship again, fear of being wrong, fear of the opposite sex, fear of the unknown, what lies ahead. etc etc
Fears not only cause stress, they can eat away at your body, mind and emotions.
Your spirit gets lost in the waves of emotions: anger, frustration and the loss of all joy and hope.
The new fears surfacing as your divorce progresses, bring on a new wave of despair.

Fear of the unknown or what catastrophe happens next is the great problem with the divorce process.
If is perfectly normal to be uncomfortable with anything new or unknown, and becomes a fear when the unknown can include losses.
To overcome these fears, simply become informed and knowledgeable about all things in your divorce, that lie ahead.
When you know all about it, it no longer is a fear. Read up on and become informed, on this web site and associated links..
We have spent years putting together what you need to know to survive divorce and to move on to a second chance to get on with a great new life.
You need not be afraid of and/or powerless, when it comes to what you know how to handle.
You have no experience and little or no knowledge about what you are going thru. It is natural to have fears about what you know nothing about.
Others have gone thru it and left you the information you need to know, so go thru this process, totally informed and knowledgeable.
If you remain ignorant about it and afraid, it is in a large part because you simply have not done your home work.

It is very important to learn how to handle your fears, get them under your control, to get thru your divorce recovery process.
The uncertainty of your new roles, all on your own, perhaps feeling for the first time in your life, not having someone around as a baby sitter.
For the first time the almost complete isolation you face and the lack of the unknown, together all stress you out far more than when you had been going through your daily life before divorce. .
With the onset of the split, often fears started to run wild.
You will eventually come to realize you do not have control over events or other people.
However, you do have total control over your response to events and to people..
This is where we begin to wage our battle with fear
Yes, the only control you have is over yourself.
Perhaps for the first time you are now totally in charge and control of your own life.
You alone have all responsibility for you. That is indeed scary.
Can you handle it?
It is now your choice on how you will choose to live it.
Choose now how you will obtain the necessary tools, knowledge and assistance to live your life with more happiness, more joy and more love then you have ever experienced before.
You must do something about these needless fears immediately if you find yourself being overwhelmed and experiencing fear.
Consider fear as the enemy.
Visualize your mind as a house. When you leave the doors and windows open, these fears rush in and take over.
Close your mental windows and doors and lock them out, and they will soon go away.

Whatever you fear most has no power - it is your fear that has the power.
Oprah Winfrey
Here are some additional suggestions:
Most of your fears are mere shadows.
Do whatever you need to cover and do to take normal precautions from what you fear. in a relaxed and healthy manner..
Say to yourself, " My new life is not controlled by fear".
Fear is like a bully that tries to intimidate you, the more it affects you, the more it comes on to you.
When and if the bully finds out you lock it out and ignore it, the fear bully finding it has no power over you, soon leaves.
Remind yourself of the following, several times throughout the day. and every time your fears rise to the top of consciousness.
"My fears are mere shadows, and most of these fears I have imagined are not about to become my reality.
The 5% that do are never as bad as I had envisioned them."
Take time to see yourself living your life in complete control and more fully and happily then you ever have before.
What you visualize all day long you will bring about.
Where you put the power of your attention is what manifests it self so do not dwell on or allow your fears in,
Stop bringing up and processing of your fears. as a result, soon, they fade away and are "out of here".